Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Frat House Move AKA My Day in Hell


I would help my friend Linda with anything. She has been a lifesaver on more than one occasion and was instrumental in helping me come back from many a bad situation.

She asked if it would be possible for me to help her move her son out of his frat house and into another house that a bunch of brothers are renting. Of course I said yes - she would do the same for me and more.

So I picked her up this morning and we headed to Rutgers. We parked in front of the frat. Walking up to the front door I noticed that it made Animal House look good.

We walked in and were greeted by a very nice bunch of boys. Linda introduced herself as "Moose's Mom".

The house had a very original odor to it. I would say the scent of stale beer, stinky cigars, rampant body odor, axe and a hint of urine was the exact smell.

We walked up four flights of stairs to the attic room that her son shared with two other guys. How do I describe this attic room? I don't want to sound horrible but Anne Frank would have run into the arms of the Germans rather than spend 5 minutes in this room. I am not exaggerating.

We spent the next four hours moving, a double mattress, boxspring, desk, chair, nightstand, bedding, clothing, assorted liquors, toiletries, mysterious backpacks and boxes that there as no way on God's green earth we were looking into. We made four trips in my car, countless times up and down four flights of stairs and then up and down three flights in the new house. The weather was a refreshing 95 degrees with almost 100 % humidity (it rained on my way home). For those of you who are so unlucky to have never experienced a summer day in NJ - it is comparable to a pleasant day in ..well....Hell.

By the time we were finished I had sweat through all of my clothing, my face was a shade of red I have never seen occuring naturally and I was seeing double.

When we hit Chilli's at 3pm I actually fell into the booth (so did Linda and she had to go to an Award's Ceremony at work from 6 to 10pm tonight). I drank two diet cokes in about 15 minutes and scarfed down my hamburger without breathing.

I actually didn't mind the traffic trying to leave New Brunswick because it just meant extra time in the air conditioned car. Linda and I did have a fun time - we do with anything we do together.

I walked into my house, grunted hello to my daughter, and took a shower (I bagged my clothes for bio hazardous disposal).

I am laying on my couch in the nice air conditioned house WITH a fan also on. If I don't have to move until tomorrow morning I will be a very happy person. Maybe I will move to get some sherbert or maybe if I yell loud enough and long enough someone else will get it for me.

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